A couple days ago, I decided to visit my local IKEA to check out some coat racks. As I drove there, I was in a fairly good mood. I love IKEA! I worked there for over 2 years and the experience was over all pretty amazing. That being said, there was no way I could’ve prepared myself for what happened as I pulled into IKEA’s parking lot.
As I parked my car, I noticed two individuals stepping out of their car in front of mine. One of the men immediately made eye contact with me and waved. I’m pretty nearsighted, and I have a constant fear of not recognising people I know who wave at me, so, hesitantly, I smiled and waved back, thinking he may be some former employee of mine when I had worked at IKEA.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case.
“Hi,” he greeted, a friendly smile crossing his face. As I stepped out of my car, my heart sank as I realized this man, and the friend who accompanied him, were absolute strangers.
“Uh… hi,” I replied nervously, turning toward the front entrance of the store.
“What’s your name?” he asked as he stepped closer to me, his friend watching a few feet behind him.
In an instance like this, when met by men I have no interest in, I usually come up with a fake name. Unfortunately, I’d begun to panic so I blurted out my real name and immediately hated myself for it.
“You’re beautiful! Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked as he fell into step beside me.
This time, the fake answer came easily. “Yes, he lives in Seattle.” I smiled dismissively and picked up my pace. He picked up his pace too.
“Does he let you have friends?” I was beginning to become really annoyed at this point, and I decided to not answer him and continue my way into IKEA.
“Aw… you don’t want to be my friend?” he called after me.
As I rushed inside, a sense of relief washed over me as I noticed he’d decided not to move his harassment into IKEA. I was still pretty unnerved, so when I’d finished looking around IKEA, I decided to glance at the front entrance where I’d come in to see if they were there. Incredibly, both men had stationed themselves outside, their attention towards the direction of where I’d parked.
I didn’t hesitate to speak with IKEA’s security team to have them escort me to my car.
An experience like that left a horrible taste in my mouth. It led to me remember another instance when I’d been approached by another young man a few weeks ago. I had just as little interest in the other man as the guy who had approached me in IKEA, but I can certainly say the other young man was a bit more successful and the experience was a lot more pleasant.
I had just finished going on a mini shopping spree at the Eaton’s Center and Toronto. Tired, I decided to take a break and sit outside Toronto’s gorgeous City Hall building. The afternoon sun was beginning to set, splashing a golden, warm glow on everything. Surrounded by my many bags, I was completely content.
It was then I noticed a young man, his hands in his pockets, stepping towards me. Just like with the other guy in the parking lot, he was completely not my type. But one difference between them was that I didn’t feel threatened or scared, but curious as to what he had to say.
The man looked a little nervous, something I found endearing. With a small smile, he said, “Hi.”
He immediately had my attention. “Hi,” I replied.
“Are you a tourist?” he asked, glancing down at the camera in my hands.
My appreciation of the warm light of the sun had caused me to take pictures of my surroundings.
“No,” I laughed, “Just taking pictures.”
“I see.” He took a small pause before saying, “Did you go shopping today?”
I quickly looked down at the 5 shopping bags surrounding me and said, “Yes.” I saw he was quickly running out of material.
Another silence fell between us before he bowed slightly and said, “K, then… hope you have a nice day!”
“You too,” I said, and gave him a smile as he shuffled away, his hands in his pockets.
With this experience, I walked away feeling flattered and happy. When I compared the two, it was very clear to me what made one a little more successful than the other. For the guys out there, here are some tips you can use for when deciding to approach a woman:
• Leave some confidence at the door:
While some confidence is good, too much can come off as aggressive and intimidating. Of course I can’t speak for all the women out there, but when I see that the guy is a little nervous, my immediate instinct is to make him feel as comfortable as possible. It takes lot of guts to approach a stranger.
• Avoid an audience to your attempt:
One of the most unnerving things about IKEA parking lot guy was his silent friend who watched in the background. Having your friends hover behind you a few steps away as you hit on girls makes it seem like you’re doing this more for their entertainment than for actual interest.
• Assess if your location is appropriate:
I feel incredibly vulnerable stepping out of my car alone in a parking lot. It’s a place where a lot of crime tends to happen. If you see a pretty girl in a parking lot alone that you MUST approach, it would be much better for her nerves if you decide to wait until she is inside the store where there are witnesses present.
• Wait to ask the “Do you have a boyfriend?” question:
Asking this right off the bat makes you appear incredibly cheesy and overly bold. It’s definitely not something I want to hear from a guy the first minute after making contact with him, even less so when I hear it from someone I have no interest in. In fact, don’t ask this question at all. It’s definitely much better to learn it from the girl through conversation. If it’s information she’s willing to share unprompted by yourself, it can be an indicator that she may be interested in you.
• Learn when to walk away:
Guys, I can’t stress this enough. Once it can be determined that the girl has no interest in you (and we will give you clear signs), then cut your losses and step back. IKEA parking lot guy should’ve walked away when I began to walk away myself. If the girl is physically removing herself from the situation, then it’s best not to follow her. Failure to do this will immediately alarm and frighten us.
When approached by a guy, my guard is up right away. While I appreciate men who can muster up the courage to take a chance by talking to me, I appreciate subtlety even more. Be more focussed on a conversation that will encourage the girl to talk about her interests. The guy from Toronto was on the right track when he made a point to mention my shopping and my camera. If he had better conversation skills, I have no doubt I would’ve invited him to take a seat.
So take a cue from him and I guarantee you that the girl will at least not feel the need to involve the authorities.
