Find Yourself After Losing Him: The Importance of “Me” Time, Post Break Up

Something I think all girls (and guys!) need after a tough break-up is definitely some “me” time. While that may seem obvious, there are definitely right and wrong ways to spend that “me” time. Speaking from my personal experience, I travelled to both ends of the right and wrong “me” time spectrum, finding how some forms left me feeling wonderful and renewed, while others left me reaching for tissues and generally despising life and questioning the need to go on.

Good ways to spend “me” time:

• Shopping:
Everyone talks about the benefits of retail therapy. While this expression of “me” time isn’t exactly healthy for one’s credit card, you can justify the expenses by thinking of all the savings you’ll be accumulating from no longer being in a relationship. For instance, prior to ending the relationship with my long-distance lover, I was planning and budgeting for a $600 plane ticket to Seattle. I was also budgeting for moving out on my own, gifts to him and his family for Christmas, and other boyfriend-related crap. The end of our relationship may have heralded the end of late-night sexting, but it now introduced the dawn of increased savings. A warning here, though. Don’t over do it! I cannot stress the importance of a monthly budget. Live by the simple rule: don’t spend more than you make.

• Get out of the house:
While your bed may seem like your best friend during this time of healing, it really does help to spend as much time as you can out of it. If you have a car, drive. Where, you ask me? Anywhere you want to. Without a car? Go for walks. Walk the dog, cat, ferret. Just try your best to avoid hibernating in your room. Your body, mind, and heart will thank you.

• Find some hobbies and commit to them:
Prior to breaking up with my ex, I had very little interests other than finding out who was the next person to be voted off of Survivor. Reality television was (and still is, embarrassingly) my thing. I recognized the problem with this even before I broke up with my ex and brainstormed some extra-curricular activities I can begin devoting my time to. Interested in toning my body, my attention turned to Yoga. I enrolled in a month-long unlimited plan with a local Hot Yoga studio and fell in love with my classes. It was something to look forward to while getting fit at the same time.

• Cry:
Our bodies are vessels of emotion. Every day, every second, we feel something new, our emotions swinging from one thought to the next. One moment I felt like I was doing the right thing and the next I was retreating into a glass box of emotion. Here’s a universal truth: break-ups are sad (duh!). He/she was a huge part of your life. It’s okay to mourn the loss of that.

Here are some not-so-good ways to spend “me” time post-breakup:

• Obsessing:
You can go in circles thinking of all the scenarios of how/why the relationship went down the path that it did. The best thing to do with a breakup is to accept it. It’s over! There’s really not much point in thinking too much about a relationship that wasn’t healthy/strong enough to avoid self-destruction.

• Filling the void with your old friend—calories:
Breaking up with your boyfriend can leave a huge, gaping void in your life. A void that a lot of women instinctually feel the need to fill with food. I know happiness comes in the form of bowls topped with mounds of mocha almond fudge ice cream and brown paper sacs filled with Big Macs, but just remember—those moments of bliss are temporary. When the food’s gone and digested, you’ll still be sans boyfriend…

• Wondering what your ex is doing, why he isn’t messaging you, analyzing his actions post-breakup:
One thing about break-ups is that you’re now free to figure out life on your own. As much as you may have loved your ex and as much time you’ve spent building your life and dreams around him, ending a relationship means you’re now living for yourself. Moving on requires a break from spending any time mulling over what may be happening on your ex’s end. Make the breakup be about you.

• Planning out who your next relationship is going to be with:
I have to admit, some time was spent after breaking up with my ex going over the single men I knew and the possibilities that lay therein. And then I realized how unhealthy jumping into a new relationship would be. Especially after just ending one that lasted over a year. Do yourself a favour and FORCE some time of independence on yourself. I know those pangs of loneliness are tough when watching Moulin Rouge and re-runs of Rich Bride, Poor Bride on the Slice Channel. But carrying several suitcases of baggage into a new relationship does not lay the ground work for future happiness. Give yourself time to heal and learn from your mistakes. Pick the next guy wisely and only after some time has gone by, out of respect for your ex, and yourself.

Breakups are extremely tough on all parties involved. It’s a time of heart-ache and self-reevaluation. As hard as it is to move on, the best thing you can do for yourself is to make yourself a priority. Now is the time for your needs. The right kind of “me” time can go a long way in helping yourself to realize that you’re a wonderful person who is strong and can fend for herself/himself. Your next boyfriend/girlfriend will appreciate this healthier, happier you and so will yourself.

Advertisement